Leaning into Uncertainty

Changing contexts is always a challenge; the unknown is scary. This alone is enough to stay static, being comfortable but never reaching for more, knowing that it might disrupt such comfort. My journey within echoes has been a cascade of wild opportunities and uncertainties. I've come to realize that the fear of change is a good sign that I am headed in the right direction.

I first found myself facing exciting uncertainty in spring 2023 when I applied for A Door To Italy, a study abroad internship program to work at an Italian company for 12 weeks. The idea of staying in a new place for so long was exciting, yet I was terrified. I'd have to work and live in an unfamiliar culture with a new language. A small part of me hoped I wouldn't be accepted to the program.

Despite this fear, I was accepted. In a flash, I found myself walking around Genoa, Italy, and enjoying every second. I pushed through my own fear with the support of other students within the same program. We visited restaurants and museums, traveled to Tuscany, and hiked to Napoleonic era forts. We were all unfamiliar and uncomfortable, but we had each other to lean on.

Less than a year after my time in Italy, I applied to grad school. I had finished my undergraduate degree happy with my growth, but felt like I needed to push myself further and seek out more learning. I went in focused on expanding my knowledge within gameplay programming, seeking to specialize to get a better foothold in the industry.

My focus shifted dramatically during my first year in grad school. This started on echoes. I applied with the goal of being a game programmer to deepen my technical portfolio. Instead, I was offered a game director position to allow Sam Burgoyne to move into the Producer role. This wasn't a smooth road, and I needed help from Erika and Sam to adjust. I often took on too much work, spending lots of my time working, yet not leading. I learned to ask two questions to guide my priorities: Do I want to? Do I need to? Diving deeper into the rationale for tasks & who was best suited to work on them led to frequent production process & infrastructure discussions with Erika & Sam. By April, they'd asked me to consider taking over as producer for Fall 2025.

"Producer" wasn't a role I anticipated ever pursuing, yet it soon became the focus of my graduate work. Lots of game projects I had in undergrad struggled with organization, prioritization, and communication. These are battles that are present on every project; they are integral to the success of games, software, and almost anything. I'd seen the need for organized production and studied theoretical concepts, yet I had prepared four years to be a gameplay/systems programmer, and only one semester for leadership. I lacked confidence due to a lack of practical experience, even with a solid knowledge base.

To help me prepare for leading the echoes team this Fall, Erika invited me to attend the May 2025 VIP Consortium Annual Meeting in Atlanta. To attend, I would also be expected to present a poster. I hadn't presented a poster since elementary school or attended any academic conferences, and it was right in the middle of the chaos of finals. To have a poster, there needs to be something to present, something with data. So I sat down with Erika to discuss my goals for the future of echoes' production process, put together a survey for the team, got data, and created a poster to show off the data. Erika and Ben Snyder took extra time to help with the organization and formatting. When I got to Atlanta, I felt out of my depth; there were tons of qualified individuals with years of experience. There was also a significant number of other students, including many who had traveled overseas for this event. They were working on PhD-level research projects that made my work feel insignificant.

Multiple activities with the other students led up to the poster session, with the most impactful being "Research Drawing Jam: Communicating Research Outside Your Discipline" facilitated by Leah Misemer. Explaining the drawing was the same as explaining my poster; I was able to synthesize my own work, and not only understand it, but also understand how to explain it.

I was more confident due to my drawing, and that continued to grow as I talked with my peers. Before the official poster session, we all wandered around the room and checked out each other's posters. I got to dry-run my poster with other students, and got to know tons of interesting projects and people in the process. Everyone hyped each other up for the presentations. By the time the faculty came in, I was comfortable with presenting the poster.

This is when the cascade continued…. The poster, and my research goals, were very popular. I was not actually out of my depth. There was value behind the research I was doing -- for VIP programs, echoes, and most importantly, myself. I had a new path I could take, and gained greater confidence in myself. I unexpectedly had multiple people asking if I was a PhD student or if I was going to get my PhD.

The journey doesn't end there. The excitement of the consortium led to an interest in continuing my work. With the support of Nick LaLone, I became a research assistant, adding academic rigor & depth to my production process improvement goals. Academic research is completely new to me. Having not learned directly about research outside of writing for Political Science classes, tons of what I do is trial and error. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a clue what I am doing, yet I'm doing it. Despite my doubts, I am having success collecting both sources and data. I once again have support, someone to help both push me and help me quell my own doubts.

Would I ever have done any of this alone… no. Each step of my journey, each opportunity, there have been others to help. I get to thank Erika Mesh, Nick Lalone, Ben Snyder, students at the VIP Consortium, echoes students, and countless others. In Italy, there were other students in the same boat as me. Every aspect of my life has support that helps me both understand and grab opportunities presented to me.

Opportunity isn't just happenstance; it's both bravery, doing despite fear and discomfort, and support, having others to be there to help push forward. I wouldn't be where I am today without leaving my comfort zone, and definitely wouldn't be here without everyone in my life.

Within echoes, we come together to make games, yet the games aren't the goal of echoes, we are. The relationships we build, the growth we experience, the opportunities we take, and the support we share define what echoes truly is. As a producer, my primary responsibility is to empower others by removing obstacles and creating the structure they need to succeed, while staying flexible to different needs and situations. Above all, the most important trait is empathy. Games are built by the individuals on the team and the community that supports them.